Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Lost in my head

Do you ever feel jealous when one of your friends is on a diet? A girl I know told me the other day that she's doing that lemon juice/cayenne pepper/maple syrup cleanse, and I felt that green-eyed monster rear its ugly head. I don't know why. Maybe I'm afraid that she'll get skinnier than me, or have more control than me. For some reason, reading all of your diets and seeing your heights and weights doesn't have the same effect - I guess its the anonymity. I like expressing myself anonymously (as I assume the rest of you bloggers do, too), and I like receiving anonymous, non-competitive support.

Also, I can't understand how she just casually mentioned that she's been deliberately starving herself. I would die before saying that out loud. 

A similar situation happened to me in high school. My best friend realized I wasn't really eating, so she decided not to eat, either. I hated sharing that with her. Not eating was my thing. I suppose I was fighting for my individuality, but... trying to make ourselves perfect, aren't we all? 
We want to be perfect, but we want perfection to be our thing
To be the only one people think of 
when they hear words like "skinny" and "beautiful."

Anyway. Random Cara thought for the day.

Today, I got 10 stars!  9 more days to go, 90 more stars to earn. I did an hour of yoga instead of going to the gym, and I rediscovered how much I love yoga. It's a workout, and it's calming, and it works every single muscle in your body. Plus, what's better than a taught, slim yogi body?

What are y'alls favorite workouts? Mine are definitely yoga and running.

I'm home for Easter weekend, and I'm a bit worried about the food situation. I'm going to have to only eat in front of my family so that they think I'm eating normally. And probably lie. A lot.
                   I hate lying.
                               but I need to be thin.

xoxo Cara

"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, 
but when there is nothing left to take away." --Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

1 comment:

  1. I agree with you when I see other girls in real life and they are skinnier than me or on a diet I just want to scream but at the same time I could never ever say out loud that I am on a diet or ask how they got skinny. it is wierd enough eating at my parents house and them seeing me count calories and me lying saying of I just want to double check that I am not eating to much and I AM NOT trying to loose weight when the truth is that if I dont know the calories I will not be able to look at anyone pay attention or much less hold a conversation. UHHH. it is beautiful but very private and nerve racking for me.

    There is a girl in one of my college classes and she is like a twig. I always wonder if she is ana or if she is just blessed with thinness. I swear she doesnt weigh more than 90lbs.

    I hate going to that class because all I can think about is how skinny she is how fat I am and how much of a faliure I am.